between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
