Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
