blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
