a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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