This house was built for laser tag.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
