Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
