Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
