Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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