just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
