Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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