we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
