I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
did i walk over a car last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
