I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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