I am in a vortex of obligation.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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