His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
