Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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