Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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