you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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