Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize