i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
