Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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