i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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