Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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