you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
