he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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