i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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