is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
