I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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