I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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