Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize