yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
