My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
