You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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