She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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