you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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