Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
