Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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