I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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