also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just had sex bonerless
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
