Apparently you make a good broom.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
