honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
