i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
