Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This house was built for laser tag.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
