just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
