my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
