I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
