He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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