I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
