I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
