She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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