I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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