i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
