Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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