Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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