Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
