People in love make me want to vomit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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