So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
