VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
