a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
