I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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