He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
