Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
