we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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