Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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