if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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