I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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