HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
