I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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