Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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