considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
