i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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