Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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