I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
