are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
