After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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