$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
