Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
